PHOTO: Claudia Carlin

Imam Sheikh Omar Saleem Abu-Namous marries Zahid Attaf and his bride Nabila Ashiq

Arranged Dating and Arranged Marriages

For most of the 2.5 million marriage contracts that are signed on average every year in the U.S., most are love matches: the individuals involved make their own arrangements.

However, in some ethnic communities, arranged marriages where the partners are selected by a third party -- either the young couple's parents or a religious advisor --- remain the norm. The jury is still out as to whether love matches have a better chance of staying out of the shoals of divorce.

Arranged Marriage

Under the airy dome of the Islamic Cultural Center on Manhattan's Upper East Side, 18-year-old Zahid Attaf, dressed in a resplendent white silk shalwar kameez worn by Pakistani men, sat barefoot across from his 16-year old bride Nabila Ashiq with their relatives lined up alongside. The bride wore a dark red veil over her hair and kept her eyes downcast during the whole event.

PHOTO: Claudia Carlin

Sheikh Omar Abu-Namous is the imam at the Islamic Cultural Center of New York.

Attaf said that, while relatives had made all the arrangements, he was responsible for picking Nabila as his bride. "She wants to learn English and I want to go to college," he said, "so we won't have children right away."

Officiating at the wedding and chanting verses from the Q'ran was Sheikh Omar Saleem Abu-Namous, the center's Imam. The center offers matchmaking services for its Muslim members. The Imam said he will sometimes bless a wedding a day. While men and women request the Imam to find them a partner, each of them has the option of either of accepting or declining a proposal.

"The other day, a man came in asking to be converted to Islam on the spot. He then asked to be married to the Muslim woman he had brought with him. She agreed and I married them." The Imam chuckled: "To me a one-hour Muslim is as good as a hundred-year Muslim."

Arranged dating

For time-pressed Dennis G., a 41-year old New York City architect, looking for "dates in all the wrong places" was not an option. His taste ran to Asian women and when a friend suggested he check out the "singles club" agency specializing in pairing American men with Asian women, he complied.

PHOTO: Claudia Carlin

Angela Wong of Asian&American Singles Club in Manhattan

Once persuaded to sign up by Angela Wong, the owner of the Midtown Asian&American Singles Club, he was invited to peruse her picture book where scores of Asian women smiled up at him. He picked 15 "possibles" but couldn't bring himself to contact any of them. Then he received a phone call from Jean (not her Chinese name), also a client of Angela Wong's.

"We talked for more than half an hour and I could sense he was a nice, intelligent guy, so I agreed to meet him," said Jean with a bright smile and a squeeze of her husband's hand.

Jean, 39, who after a year of dating became Dennis' wife on January 1, is Chinese and the mother of an 8-year old who will join the couple when Jean's father brings the child from China to New York this summer.

"I don't like going to bars," says Jean who introduced her betrothed to her parents and daughter in China last summer. "We don't meet men that way in China. I felt more comfortable seeking Angela's advice, especially since she's a former ballet dancer like me."

Thanks to her monthly parties (the next will take place on March 23, (for information see sidebar), her psychological acumen and personal touch, Wong is convinced that her business has nothing to fear from the Internet dating onslaught. "Whatever the color of their skin," says Wong emphatically, "everyone has a right to love."

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